For 8 years I have been working on my weight problem. I have worked hard to lose a lot of weight only to gain it back, lose, gain, maintain, lose, gain it ALL back and now losing again. I am determined to finish what I have started, so please join me on my journey of self discovery and PLEASE feel free to jump in and join me!

Starting today - I am beginning my journey anew!

Starting today - I am not going to let the failures of the past haunt me anymore!

Starting today - I am going to make my well-being a PRIORITY in my life!

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses..... Nope None Here!

     Did you miss me??? Can you believe that after all this talking about being motivated and focused, I just missed a WHOLE WEEK!! I would say that I am ashamed except for once in my life I'm not. Most of my problems with weight I feel have been the direct result of wallowing in my own ___________ (enter any of these emotions) - pity / grief / worry / shame / self loathing / anger / sadness.  Am I sad tht I managed to lose my focus so early on, YES. What I am going to do is NOT let it set me back from reaching my goals! My whole adult life up to this point has been setback after setback, NO MORE!

     Have you ever noticed that overweight/fat women tend to be very perky & bubbly??? That's because we use the food we gorge on to get a "high" during our personal pity parties and can thus go on about our day acting as if NOTHING is bothering us! I have always used food as a coping tool for my emotions. I am trying desperatley to change this behavior.

     So as to be accountable to you all I have not been totally off my game. I have worked out 2 out of the last 7 days at my gym and have overate 2 days. My weight today was the same as my last weigh in (... it was my cycle this week - go figure :-)) I have not been sedetary at all, as part of the reason for my loss of focus was how incredibly busy we have been! I went ahead and did my wednesday P90X shoulders & arms dvd today and will begin blogging my daily info starting tommorow. I am just going to consider this missed week a wash and begin my P90X countdown at Day 12.

~ Laura ~

Thursday, February 23, 2012

P90X - Day 11
February 22, 2012

     Today was one of those days where I thought I was never going to get a chance to do my workout! It was a pretty high stress day emotionally. I had lots of foster-care drama today, TONS of phone calls to field, kiddos to console and amongst all this a tornado ran through my house and left me a HUGE MESS! It was literally so bad that I had to wash a load of clothes so my foster-daughter could go to school and do a load of dishes so we could all have eat a meal off of plates & use utensils!
     As my crazy day was winding down I was starting to come to terms with the fact that I just was not going to get my workout done today, I was feeling sorta okay with this cause food wise I had been awesome. Then I just said "SCREW IT" and when my hubby came home from his Wednesday night meeting at 9:30pm, I handed him the baby and a bowl of dinner and locked myself in my room for the next 60 minutes while I took care of myself :-)
     Shoulders & Arms was amazing. I lowered my reps and increased my weights today, because my main goal is to PUT ON SOME MUSCLE! I want my body to be a calorie burning machine and I want definition! I've been so long in this body with all of Gods beautiful creation covered in a THICK layer of fat that I want to make it into a work of art!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Curried Turkey Burger Sliders with Cucumber Yogurt


•1 egg white

•1/3 cup coarsely grated apple, left unpeeled

•1/4 cup minced or coarsely grated red onion

•3 tbsp ground flaxseed

•1 tbsp curry paste or powder

•2 tsp minced fresh ginger

•Sea salt and fresh ground black pepper, to taste

•2 tsp lemon juice, divided

•1 tsp ground coriander, divided

•1 lb lean ground turkey (or lean ground chicken)

•1/2 cup nonfat plain Greek yogurt

•1/2 cup peeled and grated cucumber, drained

•Olive oil cooking spray

•8 oz whole-wheat naan bread (about 2 or 3 pieces), cut into 24 2-inch squares


1.In a large bowl, combine egg white, apple, onion, flaxseed, curry, ginger, salt, pepper, 1 tsp lemon juice and 1/2 tsp coriander. Mix in turkey and shape into 12 1/2-inch-thick mini burger patties.

2.In a small bowl, combine yogurt, cucumber, salt, pepper and remaining 1 tsp lemon juice and 1/2 tsp coriander. Set aside.

3.Heat a nonstick grill pan or large nonstick skillet on medium-high and mist with cooking spray. Cook patties, turning once, until meat is no longer pink in center, about 5 minutes. Top patties with cucumber yogurt, dividing evenly, and sandwich between 2 squares naan bread.

Nutrients per 3 sliders: Calories: 383, Total Fat: 9 g, Sat. Fat: 1 g, Carbs: 38 g, Fiber: 8 g, Sugars: 5 g, Protein: 39 g, Sodium: 455 mg, Cholesterol: 55 mg

P90X - Day 10
February 21, 2012

     Today was "Lack of motivation day!" I am pretty certain I could have stayed in my jammies and watched TV for a week very easily today. It took me until about 2pm in order to even try and put in my Plyometrics DVD. I almost even had myself convinced that I would "just jump on the treadmill later" and then I remembered all of you. Oh yeah, I have people looking at my blog to see if I am actually going to finish this bad boy! OF COURSE I'm going to do my plyo video and of course I am going to stop eating those homemade cookies :-)
     Now just because I got the video in does not mean that I did not struggle to complete it. I was trying to talk myself into every way to skip something, but in the end reminded myself that something is always better than nothing! Today I had a pinch in my right glute and my left knee was hurting (this I discovered during the warm-up lunges) so modification was the name of the game. I tried to maintain the cardio speed to get the sweating/heart rate benefit and just kept the "jumping" to a light hop or pulse so as to not aggravate anything. Butt was a little tender afterwards and certain sitting positions were pinching a Little but nothing horrible. I will just baby it for a few days and it will probably go away soon.

     Not so great on my eating today. Did fine for breakfast and snack and then the cookies got brought out :(
I think I ate 4-5 but either way I stuck to a large chicken salad w/light dressing for dinner, so I could keep my calories under control. Should wash out for today.

Monday, February 20, 2012

P90X - Day 9
February 20, 2012

     Today marks the beginning of week 2 of P90X. Back & Arms went much more smoothly today. I felt energetic and I focused a lot more on form vs. reps. The real kicker today was the Ab Ripper X though... I think I forgot to tell you about that? I am committed to doing the "doubles" workouts and that means more workouts! Everytime I have a weights day I also work my Abdominal muscles. Last week I was lucky to do 1/2 the moves and only 1/2 way. Today though I decided to just pause the DVD when needed, do the exersises more slowly, pace myself and do them ALL! I'm pretty certain to be sore tommorow, :-) But in a good way!

     My focus this week is on following the eating plan more closely. The Meal Plan consist of 3 different phases; Fat Shredder, Energy Booster and Endurance Maximizer. The changes in each plan is the variance of carbs vs. protein. All your food is to be as close to nature intended as possible, with only healthy fats for cooking (olive oil & avocados). Protein is your best friend in this eating plan, because you need it to build up the muscle in order to burn the fat off faster... think like "The Biggest Loser."

     Your caloric intake is based upon your weight and the added calories burned from working out. After calculations are done I was told I needed to each 3200 calories... um NOT! I would normally not argue with the program, (since apparently it's working for thousands of people) but I own a BodyBugg calorie burn monitor and I know that the estimates given for me are wrong, due to the fact that I sit around A LOT!

     My ACTUAL daily caloric burn is around 2000 calories without exercise (the book estimates 2600 for my basic before workouts!) and this is due to my sedentary lifestyle at present - just to explain, my son requires multiple g-tube feedings a day at a VERY slow rate and I usually hold him since he pukes less if I do. I can sit down up to 5-6 hours a day just feeding him!! Once I am up and about cleaning, cooking and moving regularly I will average about a 2800 calorie burn in 24 hours.  LONG STORY SHORT - I am aiming for between 2000-2200 cals. If I am feeling super tired or am not losing I will adjust accordingly.
* This is also what the program recommends doing.

I will be including lots of recipes and reviews from here on out, so enjoy!

~ Laura ~

Meatball Sub with Roasted Veggies & Tomato Sauce


•1 lb 95% lean ground beef

•1/4 cup rolled oats

•1 large egg white

•1 tbsp tomato paste

•1 tsp dried thyme

•1 tsp dried oregano, divided

•1/2 tsp ground black pepper

•2 cloves garlic, chopped, divided

•Olive oil cooking spray

•1/2 medium zucchini, cut into 1/2-inch-wide strips (4 oz)

•1/2 medium red bell pepper, cut into 1/2-inch-wide strips (4 oz)

•1/2 medium yellow onion, cut into 1/4-inch-wide strips (3 oz)

•1 tsp extra-virgin olive oil

•1 cup fresh tomatoes, seeded, chopped and squeezed to release juices, seeds and juices discarded

•1 tsp dried basil

•14 oz whole-wheat baguette (18-inch long; widest baguette you can find)


1.Preheat oven to 400°F. In a large bowl, combine beef, oats, egg white, tomato paste, thyme, 1/2 tsp oregano, black pepper and 1 clove garlic. Line a sheet pan with nonstick foil and spray lightly with cooking spray. Form beef mixture into 1-inch balls, making about 50. Place balls on pan, not allowing them to touch. On another sheet pan, toss zucchini, bell pepper and onion with oil. Put both pans in oven and set timer for 5 minutes.

2.In a small bowl, stir together tomatoes, basil, remaining 1/2 tsp oregano and remaining 1 clove garlic. When timer goes off, remove meatballs from oven and pour tomato mixture over them. Use a metal spatula to turn meatballs to coat with tomato mixture. Place back in oven for another 10 minutes, again setting timer. When timer goes off again, remove meatballs and set aside. Stir vegetables, return to oven and roast for another 10 minutes.

3.Slice baguette into 4 sections, then slice each section in half horizontally so it opens like a book. Spread open each section and tear out a bit of bread from the middle to make room for the meatballs. Toast bread in toaster or under a hot broiler for 1 minute to crisp.

4.To assemble sandwiches, open up each piece of toasted bread, pile on a quarter of meatball mixture and top with a quarter of roasted vegetables. Close sandwich and serve with a fork for any stray meatballs and sauce.

Nutrients per sandwich: Calories: 452, Total Fat: 10 g, Sat. Fat: 3 g, Monounsaturated Fat: 3 g, Polyunsaturated Fat: 1 g, Carbs: 59 g, Fiber: 8 g, Sugars: 5 g, Protein: 25 g, Sodium: 552 mg, Cholesterol: 60 mg

Recipe from:
P90X - Day 8
February 19, 2012

Weigh-In :
     Today is Sunday and it is my P90X rest day. The workouts are 6 days with 1 rest day per week, then you start your rotation again. Today concludes my first week of the workouts and also celebrates my longest run on the program ever!!!!

Today was also weigh-in day..... lost 6.2lbs!!!! I'm now 229.8lbs. WHOO HOO!  - I know mostly water weight, but I'm happy to get rid of some bloating!

My focus this week is on my Eating Plan. I know I have not spent any time explaining this and that is because I have been easing myself into these high protein meals and lowering my carbohydrate intake. Now that you have been introduced to the actual workouts, my post will consist of recipes, menu ideas, tweaks made to my workout routines to "bring it" even more and motivational information.
P90X - Day 7
February 18, 2012

I am the meanest mother on the planet. I have two very tall lanky strong sons. The problem is they like to sit around A LOT! So today I gave them an ultimatum... Kenpo X with Mom or do the dishes. They both just looked at me.

My sons are 19 & almost 15. They are in this beautiful stage in life where God grants them a thin muscular physique that they really didn't earn. Once the hormones level out and the metabolism of an adult kick in they will have to actually do something in order to maintain this blessing. I have some real concerns for their future if the habits that I have allowed to become normal in my home, is what they continue futhur into their adulthood. These boys have got to learn what it takes to have a healthy body, and who better to show them than their Mom.

I must say I was surprised by the child who chose do the workout and the one who did the dishes. Both my kids are what I call innately lazy. If they can avoid it, ignore it or pawn the work onto someone else they will! I think my oldest might be growing up, or he just really HATES doing dishes!

Admittedly I wasn't looking forward to jumping around, kicking and punching next to my 6' 0" 145 lb bean pole of a son, but I think I surprised him at how much I was able to do and well! The workout was exhausting! My arms and legs were wobbly and tired for quite a while afterwords, but it felt good and you know your heart was pounding, cause the sweat was pouring out in buckets!
P90X - Day 6
February 17, 2012

Legs & Back

Lunges, Lunges, Lunges!!! Oh my heavens, I am apparently very uncoordinated. During this routine I stumbled constantly. I tried my best but I'm pretty certain that I did the lunges incorrectly because my quads have not been very sore, now my butt on the other hand is tender!

I think my favorite parts of the workout is when you have to do pull-ups, because that means you get a break from the lunges :-) The absolute WORST part was the "sneaky lunges"!!! Lunges on your tip-toes for 1.5 minutes! NO BREAKS! I will be honest, this is the one move that i did not complete all the way. I think I got through about 20 of them and my calves were on fire! I thought I would get a charlie horse right then and there, so I took a break and promise I will do more next time.

~ Laura ~

Thursday, February 16, 2012

P90X – Day 5
February 16, 2012

I think after today’s fiasco I deserve the biggest kudos for following through on my commitment to get thru all 90 days! I set out to do my workout at around 12:15. At 12:30 my son’s physical therapist shows up for his appointment (oops forgot!) I’m just getting warmed-up and my blood is pumping and I’m actually feeling energetic about today’s workout.

Hit the pause button…

- 1 hour of physical therapy

- Restart video and finish the warm-up again.

- Now my hubby comes in and he and his friend want a late lunch and apparently so do my teenagers  another hour goes by.

- Then its time to feed the poor starving little guy, who has a g-tube and major reflux so this takes another hour. (fortunately I can let lunch settle)

- Back to my video, do some warm-up stretches again and restart. The baby gets woken up about 30 minutes into it (timer reads 59 min left) and since he refluxes and aspirates I have to address him.

- As I’m fixing the baby my in-laws show up to visit, lucky for me they just want to play with the baby and do my dishes!!! 30 minutes later…

- Back to my video again… timer now reads 45 minutes left.

- Now it’s time to pick up our foster kiddo from the school bus.

Okay I had every excuse/hindrance to NOT workout. I caught myself mentally saying; that I would just skip the video and hit the treadmill “later” after things settled down, or go to the gym after the kids went to bed… These are legitimate alternatives except you don’t get to be my size by finishing what you start! For someone like me, later never comes! I PROMISED MYSELF I WILL FINISH THIS 90 DAY COMMITMENT.

SO…I invited the little kiddos to come YOGA X with me, this way they are occupied with laughing at me, the baby is being held by grandma and all individuals in the house above the age of 8 where on their own for the next 45 minutes!!!

Now to the real point of my post ;)

Today I learned that there is probably nothing in this world that I would rather not do again than YOGA X! I hated it because it was HARD, time consuming and sweat was dripping from every pore. I had a difficult time emptying my mind (per the above reasons, lol) and I think this added to my dislike of the experience.
The video consist of:

20 minutes of warm-up stretches

30 minutes of the hardest downward / upward / plank / and warrior poses known to mankind

20 minutes of balance poses

20 minutes of the BEST stretching I’ve ever done.

I think that next week I will do this in the early AM when everyone is asleep, so I can just be in the moment without any demands on me. I’ll report back another review then!

~ Laura ~

P.S. I woke up SUPER sore today, but after finally completing the YOGA X I feel so much better! I can definitely see the benefit to all the stretching and pose holding.
Baked Coconut Shrimp with Pineapple Dipping Sauce


1 Tablespoon lime juice
2 teaspoons finely chopped fresh jalapeno pepper
1/2 cup pineapple preserves
1 pound uncooked large shrimp peeled and deveined
2 egg whites
2 Tablespoons cornstarch
2 cups sweetened flaked coconut


1   Combine lime juice, jalapeno pepper, and pineapple preserves in a small bowl and mix well. Cover and refrigerate until ready to serve.

2   Preheat oven to 400 degrees and line a cookie sheet with parchment paper.

3   In a small bowl beat egg whites with a hand mixer until frothy.

4   Place cornstarch and coconut on two separate plates. Hold shrimp by the tail and dip and coat the shrimp with cornstarch. Next, dip the shrimp in the egg whites and finally in the coconut coating well.

5   Place shrimp on the cookie sheet and bake for 15-17 minutes or until coconut is a golden brown. Make sure to turn it once halfway through (around 8 minutes into cooking time) to make sure both sides brown.

6   Serve with pineapple dipping sauce

* to make this a meal, serve 1/4th of the shrimp over a large salad.
* recipe from
P90X - Day 4
February 15, 2012

     So I thought doing Plyometrics after lifting weights the previous day was rough. At least yesterday only my upper body was sore to start with, Today every muscle in my upper and lower body is yelling at me. I've downed Aleve, Ibuprofen and Tylenol just to dull the pain and then I am volunteering to do it all over again!!

     It is at this point that I am SO mad at myself for letting my fitness regimen slip, AGAIN! At least I have the knowledge and understanding that once my body is used to the work, the sharp muscle pain goes away and your just left with the dull ache/fatigue of a job well done. Having to go through all the initial pain of "working out" is definitely not my idea of a great time but its my own dang fault for letting my previous efforts go by the wayside and a good reminder of why I need to stay focused and committed.

     Today's workout was Shoulders & Arms... did you hear that.... SHOULDERS & ARMS! Didn't I just do chest & back, which by the way involved using just my sad wimpy arms to move my entire body weight up in the air and back down repeatedly??? Although I thought that today would be very painful, after a long warm-up and stretching and I jumped into the moves and I didn't feel any pain .....THAT, came later! :-)

     All my efforts today were dedicated to my friend "C". For those who read my blog and don't know me personally, she is an AMAZING athlete and even though is WAY OLDER than me (okay just a few months) her body has become her masterpiece. We lovingly call her our own personal Jillian Micheals because as sweet, caring and compassionate as she is, you get her in the gym and the gloves come off! Just for you "C" I completed every rep/set and did the max weight I could do. My poor little forearms and biceps are complaining but at least I know they are still there and didn't fall off like I imagined they would!

~ Laura ~
P90X - Day 3
February 14, 2012

     Today's workout was Plyometrics, also known as "jump training". Lets just say that if seeing your own before pictures is not enough to convince you that your should lose weight, this workout will! Jumping jacks, squats, lunges, knee lifts...etc. Doing all these things while every muscle in your upper body is screaming at you is hard enough but while also carrying around an extra 100 lbs is NOT FUN!! 
     Before I'd even put the DVD in the player I was already hearing myself make excuses why I was going to need to "hold back" some of my effort, make short cuts and take extra breaks. As the video was loading it dawned on me that I had to decide RIGHT NOW that I was going to do every excersize to the best of my ability or I was just quitting before I'd even gotten started. Isn't that how I had gotten this fat to begin with???
   So Plyo is done and my butt, quads and calves hurt all over but I DID EVERY EXCERSIZE! It was ugly and slow but I did not quit!!

~ Laura ~

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

P90X -Day 1 & 2
February 13, 2012

     As you may have seen in my previous post you will know that recently life has changed quite a bit for our family. What I have not yet mentioned is that our family life has changed in more ways than one. On June 1st, 2011... just 8 months ago we were blessed with a new little special needs baby. WAIT...before you have a pity party for me and my failure to reproduce properly, let me qualify this with the fact that we are foster/adopt parents and actually agreed to this new little bundle of challenges ;-) As crazy as raising ONE severly developmentally delayed and medically fragile child has been, we felt such a strong pull twords our little Aiden that we could not say no! Now life begins anew with struggling with the grief of losing our only daughter and dealing with Aidens physical / developmental / medical needs.

     I must say that after having your child pass away, you often find yourself in a state of reflecting. It's like new years resolutions on steriods! Often several times throughout my day I will begin to look at my life and start catagorizing. What things am I happy with, What things do I wish I had done different, What do I want to do with my life now, What would I like to change and HOW am I going to make that happen???? My health has become increasingly higher on the priority list and has risen to the top since Kya's passing and Aidens prognosis has worsened. It is time for me to take care of myself, so I can continue to care for my family and have the life that I will be happy with in the end...

     I purchased the P90X videos over 5 years ago and they have done nothing but collect dust. Originaly they were bought with my husband in mind, he had been resonably fit but was starting to develope a "Rootbeer Belly" and we thought that this would be perfect for him... NOT! From the very begining he complained that the videos were too long to fit into his busy schedule, the eating plan was too strict and my personal favorite was that he could never get that muscular because he is a natural bean pole :-) Five years later NOTHING has improved about our health as a matter of fact both of our waist sizes have continued to increase yearly. THIS HAS GOT TO CHANGE AND NOW!!!!


Weight:   236.0
Waist:     46.5
Hips:       49.0
Bust:       46.5
Ribs:       40
Upper Thigh:   29.5
Upper Bicep:   14.5

Before Photos:

     I have been on the weight loss roller coaster long enough that I know that this program will work if do what is required!  P90X only asks a few thing from you...
  • Eat a "Clean Diet" - full of lean meats, whole grains, fruits and veggies
  • Excersize 6 days a week - alternating muscle building with fat burning days.
  • "BRING IT" - put forth ALL of your effort during each days workout. Often Tony says "do your best and forget the rest"
So here is my heart on my sleeve, the begining of the new me. Please feel free to check-up on me and send me a message if you think I'm slacking! I could use all the help I can get :-)


P.S. Todays workout was chest & back... UHG pull-up/push-up crazyness. I modified everything, but did as many reps as I could throughout. Definatley gonna be sore tommorow!

My Greatest Loss...

For 12 years my life has been.........complex.
With the birth of our beautiful daughter our family was blessed with one of life's most challenging children, but also the easiest you'll ever have. Every day has been filled with laughter, joy and unconditional love, but also an underlining loneliness. On a daily basis we never knew what GOD had planned for us that day, sometimes is was peaceful and serene but often it could be tumultuous, stressful and even heartbreaking.

She came to us in a package that was broken but she was perfect in every way and finally after 12 years of "complex", life became simple again. No more wondering, waiting and worrying... only faith that she is finally free!

February 1, 1999 - November 13, 2011